HERAT—Washington raised alarms that Iran was using the newly reopened Khaf–Herat railway to store enriched uranium in Afghanistan after Tehran discovered that American officials could no longer locate the country on a map.
“Afghanistan?” Pete Hegseth asked. “Didn't we finish that?”
Tehran reassured Kabul that the shipment was entirely peaceful, explaining that uranium becomes less threatening when entrusted to a government Washington has spent five years trying to forget.
Mullah Baradar inaugurated a soap factory beside the railway, announcing that the imported material would revolutionize Afghan hygiene and national defense.
“Our enemies have always accused us of being backward,” Baradar declared, cutting the ribbon. “Now every Afghan will remain radioactive in defending the homeland against enemies, foreign and domestic.”
Washington demanded satellite photographs of the facility. Intel agencies located Kabul but classified it as a UNESCO-protected historical site after discovering that their Afghanistan files ended in August 2021.
Abbas Araghchi praised the Taliban's discretion, noting that Afghanistan was the only country where uranium could disappear, following Pakistan's example of ensuring that nuclear waste gets dumped in the mountains.
Baradar announced nationwide distribution of the soap, beginning with government ministries.
The first shipment was returned after officials discovered it could remove twenty years of corruption but not the people responsible.